Do you know someone who has been in an abusive relationship? Have you ever experienced a toxic relationship, without realizing it? If so, you’re not alone. This is the story of one of my best friends, as she was in an abusive, manipulative relationship for nearly three of her teenage years, without even realizing it.
For the sake of her confidentiality, her name will be Leanne. Leanne met a young boy around the age of 17. He was the first boy that showed a true, genuine interest in her. She was thrilled, as she wanted to know what it would be like to have her first boyfriend. A few months into seeing each other, he asked her to be his girlfriend. My friends and I were a bit hesitant to be accepting of the relationship, as we heard this boy was a bit of “bad news.” We expressed our concerns, yet Leanne thought we were trying to ruin her happiness and didn’t want any part of it. Within a few months, my friends and I started seeing many changes in Leanne. She didn’t want to spend time with us, only her boyfriend and his friends. She began posting on social media images of her with drugs and alcohol. We noticed that she began to be under the influence nearly every time she was with her new boyfriend. As the days, months, and even years went by, we began to watch her life unfold through our cell phone screens.
We grew very concerned for Leanne, as she was letting her new boyfriend control every aspect of her life. He would know her passwords to her social media and phone and often stop her from getting in touch with our friends or anyone else. He grew violent when he didn’t get his way. When she wasn’t with him, she would tell us the horrible words he would scream at her and how he grew physically violent towards her. He began living in her parent’s house with her, which led to the cycle of abuse to be more often. He manipulated her into thinking she was not allowed to have a life, outside of him. My friends and I took it upon ourselves to hold an intervention perhaps to help her see that this is a toxic relationship. We could see the red flags and warning signs, yet no matter how many we mentioned in great detail, she shrugged it off. Her excuses continued as she stated he has some mental health issues and he’s working on them to be a better person. This cycle of intervention continued nearly six or seven times, throughout their three-year relationship. He continued to treat her poorly and every time she made excuses for it. She would often blame herself and continuously beg for him not to leave her. One day his true identity was revealed as many women came forward and told Leanne he cheated on her multiple times throughout the past few years. She reached out to us and we told her this was her chance to start fresh. We helped her create a plan to escape the relationship. It’s now been nearly eight months since they’ve been broken up. She often tells us how thankful she was that we didn’t give up on her. Leanne is doing well on her own and working towards bettering her mental health.
It’s hard to see the warning signs and red flags. But believe me, if others see it then there is an issue. I wish someone would’ve taught me how to offer support to someone going through dating violence. I’m thankful for the many resources that exist today, such as WomenSafe and Loveisrespect.org. I know that if I’m ever in a situation similar or have a friend in an abusive relationship, I have many ways of receiving and offering help. No one tells you how common Teen Dating Violence actually is and that it truly can happen to anyone. According to the CDC, nearly one in 11 females and one in 15 males in high school experience physical dating violence within the last year. No one ever mentioned resources or what to do if you’re in the situation to me. Thankfully, the current generations will be more packed with knowledge on Teen Dating Violence and I hope that more awareness can be shared on the issue. The best way to start to raise awareness is to start talking about the issue at hand.
For more information on Teen Dating Violence, please visit https://www.loveisrespect.org
For more information on seeking help from Domestic Violence and Abuse, please visit https://womensafe.org/
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